I struggled for years trying to overcome a very traumatic past. The nightmares I had just would not let up. I prayed for years. I was determined to have a voice! No one was listening to me. These things happened and these people are getting away with it. It all had me so tormented. I could forgive, but there was no justice. Then I heard Him. God, He told me to write a book. My story is a very hard one to tell, so I wrote the book. That way I won’t have tell it to others anymore! YES. That will help. That way when people ask, I can just hand them the book. BREAKTHROUGH! WOO HOO!
It seems like every conversation I had with anybody triggered the horror all over again. Day and night. There seemed to be no escape. Everywhere I went. Every movie I watched would put me into anxiety and/or tears.
The tears I shed could have filled a large lake. The sorrow I felt could have put me in the ground numerous times. The heartbreak, unbearable. The contemplation of taking my life, frequent.
Why wouldn’t it end? Why did I have to repeat my terror daily for over 35 years? Why wouldn’t God let me be released from this nightmare? He told me that I have an important purpose on this earth. So I fought through it all. As hard as I could. Every minute of every day. I hung on to that one promise and decided that this one promise was more important than anything I was going through.
Then the answer came through a vision. I put together a slide show for you to view. The Past Can Destroy Your Future Click the link and watch it. It’s the only way I’m able to describe what I saw.
Then I began to understand. I had to let go. Of everything. Of everyone. The people I surrounded myself with, didn’t care. They didn’t believe in me, nor did they believe me. I had to let go to live. I saw it.
I HAD TO GET FREE! This was the hardest part. But it was killing me! I love them all, but they don’t love me back. I cried for nearly 2 years when I walked away from my family. My very abusive family. Including my children and my grand children. But they just would not stop abusing me ( not my grand children, but yes, even my children were abusive to me). They just could not find it in them to treat me with any kind of dignity or respect. So I had to. I just did.
Then the healing began. With each day it got easier. Yes my heart still breaks from time to time. Holiday’s are the hardest, but honestly not any harder than they were. I don’t cry much anymore and the nightmares have stopped at least 99 percent of the time.
I don’t know if the people who did these things will ever have to face justice. I just know I needed to forgive to move on and heal. So I did, and I am.
Bill Johnson from Bethel Church says that we only have a right to look at our past to give testimony to God’s greatness. I agree!
What we focus on we magnify. I CHOOSE to focus on God’s promises for my life. Yes, it is a choice. It took me 35 years to figure that out. I hope it doesn’t take you that long.
I’ve heard it said that there is a reason that the windshields of our car is so big and the rear view mirror so small. That reason is… We are not supposed to focus on what is behind us!
You can be set free. It will cost you. It’s worth it.
I hope this blesses many who are suffering as I was.
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